Over a Year, Getting Tired, & Moving Forward

So it's been over a year since my last writing, and I can't believe how far I HAVEN'T come.  Suck.

I passed my last 200 test last June, but I haven't passed a 225 yet.  I turned one in in December just before Christmas and got 85%.  Not so great.  Okay, but not great.  I've taken the RPR twice and not passed any of it.  I haven't ridden yet.  My weight is still the same.

I'm incredibly frustrated.  I'm tired.  I'm scared.

Mark came home from Williston for good last Memorial Day.  He started his own trucking business as an owner/operator.  It didn't go so well, and he sold his tractor in November.  He's been laid off three times since August 2009.  He's beaten up psychologically, emotionally, and also very frustrated and scared.

And it's rubbing off on me.

After several months of wanting to rip my hair out, crawl under the covers, and stay there, I'm maybe feeling a little more positive.

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Started this on Friday, it's now Sunday.  I don't want to do a diary of the past year.  I know what we've been through/are going through.  I want to write up my hope/wish/plan to go forward on.

I've just spent 10 days at Webers' while they're on vacation.  I did a lot of steno, watched a lot of tv shows, and decompressed.  I think I've recharged my batteries a little bit, too.

Here's what I hope to do going forward.
-- Ride the bike every day
-- Spend 15 minutes/day clearing up the office
-- Go to school Monday - Thursday mornings and stay till 2:30

This is where I want to start.  As the weather gets nicer, I want to start spending more time with my Boys.  There are aaaallll sorts of thoughts tied up in that.  But I don't want to go into them right now.  Right now it's all about keeping it simple. 

I think FlyLady has it right.  I've been so caught up in all there is to do that I'm frozen.  It's not so much perfectionism, as she states, as it is being plain old overwhelmed.

15 minutes.  That's my new mantra.  15 minutes.